<3

May these shackles free you

Work again tomorrow *sigh*, I hope it's not busy. I enjoy fucking around and doing nothing except picking the carrots out of the jalapeno bain, not sweating up a storm in my unwashed Sub shirt and visor with shitty dummy customers complaining about their $10 sandwich.
I like purposely reaching for the wrong salad choice, realllllllllllly slowly and watch their faces escalate in disgust as my hand reaches closer to the vegetable.
"Everything except chilis and pickles."
*Puts everything except chilis and pickles*
*Slowly reaches for the chilis with shakey hand*
*customer's face= :S....:|.....:O!.....>:O!*
"I SAID NO CHILIS!!!"
Seriously, calm down, it's a Goddamn sandwich for Buddha's sake.
"OH PLEASE, NOT THE CARROTS, ANYTHING BUT THE CARROTS! D:"
Dickhead.
Oh, and for those tub-tubs that come in thinking they're doing themselves a favour by coming into Subway for a "healthy" meal and ordering a sub with double cheese, double meat and extra bacon with no salads and ten sauces; please stop kidding yourselves.

Ahhhhhhhhh life is good. I finished buying presents and got a haircut. All that is needed now is a good dose of op-shopping and lip piercing : D!
Woohoo!
AND THEN IT'S CHRISTMAS.
AND THEN IT'S MY BIRTHDAY.
AND THEN IT'S BDO.
AND THEN I GET MY BRACES OFF.
....and then year 12 starts....

Zzzzzzzzz..

So over everything.
I would love to curl up into the fetal position and sleep for a week right about now.
Have been working so much and have had no sleep and no time to do anything.
The money I earned is being spent on other people for Christmas and I'm super grumpy because I've been wanting to go scout out the Good Sammy's near me but haven't had the time or the money to do it....or anything at all for that matter.
*sigh*, needs epic cheering up D:
Going to have a Nana nap.....

Baby, did you forget to take your meds?

Spun. says:
I love wasabi
Diego says:
i love wasabi too
i love chillies
Spun. says:
me too
I love spicy things
Diego says:
WEIRD!!!!!!!!
Spun. says:
NO!
NORMAL!
Diego says:
YOUR NOT NORMAL, WHEN WILL YOU LEARN THAT MIKA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Spun. says:
OKAY OKAY D:

Just some more proof, that I will never fit the term "normal".

Can I just say that if you eat Subway non-stop for a week with extra jalapenos in every Sub you consume, the consequences are dire. My, my, my, the bowel movements in this little girl have been incredible. . . . . . . Incredibly bad D:
Ask Welshman, the poor lad. His nose now looks like Voldemort's.


"THE HELL IS THAT SMELL!?"

That would be my buttocks saying OHAI! :D

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away...

now it looks as though they're all here to stayyyyyy
oh, I believe in yesterday.....

Been singing it in mah head for agessss and "Ding fries are done, ding fries are done, ding fries areeeeee dooooooooooooonnnnnnnneeeeeee" heh.
Watching Family Guy right now actually. If Peter was real I'd definitely shoot him in the mouf. He's funny now, in the form of cartoon, 2D, harmless and tubby, but dear God, if he were real. No way in hell is he getting the advantage of speach, uh uh.

Mmmmmmmmm Christmas shopping makes little Asian heppy ( : I love buying stuff for people, and OH.MAH.BUDDHA. I have the best wrapping paper in the history of wrapping paper. It looks like furry wallpaper. AWESOME. I love wrapping presents. I love everything about Christmas except it's religious side. I am a hopelessly hopeless Christmas Consumer...I've been sucked into the materialistic side of this holiday....you should be grateful kids, you're going to get the best presents evarrrr. I feel like shit if some one buys a better present than the one I've given.
Eg.
"YOU GOT ME A TICKET TO BDO!?"
"HELLZ YEAH I DID!"
"Oh....well Jenny bought me BDO tickets with a backstage pass and a free grope of Lily Allen's boobs."
"Well fuck Jenny!"

Yeah, that's something that'll happen to me.
BUT NOT THIS YEAR MOTHER FUCKERS!
AURGHHH! D:<

VICTORY!

Today, ladies and beetle-lovers, I beat Ryan in a game of pool.
It was an epic game. Let me just say, I was winning from the beginning and there was no stopping me. LIKE LIGHTNINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.
PEW PEW!

He's commentating my life, like Carrie from Sex in the City. He....is....talk...ing.......lyke.....dis.......beca...ause.....he.....isss....
..tryingggg......to......reeeeaddddddd....as...I ..........tyyy....pe.
Loser.

Fear.

Last night I watched Paranormal Activity. It did not help that the main protagonist was named "Micah" and that the fake name that I use (i.e. whip it out when Transperth catches me without my ticket, buying something from Gloria Jeans) is "Katy" and the main girl protagonist was named, well, what do you know?! KATIE.
I shat bricks.
You could literally hear them, falling to the ground with enthusiastic thuds every time the movie climaxed to a scary moment, and the music made my heart shrivel in utmost fear and doom.
Due to the absolute tear-jerking horror of this movie, I slept like a nocturnal animal.
O__________________________________O ......(3am)
Yeah, it didn't help that I argued before I went to bed. My head was not a good place to be in at the time. One minute I'd become extremely afraid of my own feet, and the next I'd be rolling around wrestlessly, juggling stupid thoughts in my head and wanting to break free of my own skin. But alas, I just fell into a crappy sleep, woke up at 7.45am, got dressed and went to work, where I was overpowered with misogynistic comments. This also did not help my mood.
I am currently munching on a choc-chip cookie from work and listening to my stomach gurgle in delight in order to try and cheer myself up. It seems my stomach is the only part of me getting the enjoyment.

Shut up

It's 4.12am, and I am wide awake. Dammit.
And I'd just like to say, if you're going to fucking complain about how pointless blogs are, then don't read them. If you're going to say "Oh, why do people talk about their lives, it's so boring." K, cool, just don't read them? No big deal?
Just like stupid fucking customers who come into my work, DAILY, for years and years, and order the same stuff, ask the same questions and complain about the same crap.
Shut up. If you don't like it, never come back. You come back day after day, year after year, and complain about the SAME FRIGGIN THING.
People like you sir, shit me off.
Go.away.right.now.
Shut your huge mouths and go somewhere that makes you happy. Don't come lurk and read just so you can complain afterwards.
Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid people. Don't say one thing when you believe another. Don't lie. It's not hard to tell the truth. Don't be a coward. Don't do something because you think it makes some one else happy. Don't do something because some one told you to do it.......like I'm telling you now.
Gosh, I'm a hypocrite....and I hate hypocrites....



Yeah, that made me smile.

What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here.

Yes, people, I'm a creep and I'm a weirdo. I don't think I had to spell it out for you to realise, but hey, whatever makes life easier.
I'm completely bored out of my brains because making people watch Eel Soup got boring and the internet is just such a very boring place if you're not a convicted pedophile. Dammit, if only.
But you know, I just hope I can make your lurking experiences better by sharing funny anecdotes from my life. Like today, for instance, I'm heading out of my home, with a 1m by 1m sized canvas. The weather; windy. Already, I can tell my life is going to pain for the next twenty minutes.
And, what do you know? I walk out of my front door, a gust of wind comes saiiiiling up the stairs and HOOPLAH, I almost fall over because this colossal canvas is being utilised into a sail and fucking pushing and pulling me all over the joint.
But what is a measly little Asian like me supposed to do? I don't have a car, I don't have anyone to give me a lift. Wait, I lie, I did but I didn't want to disturb them. Anyway, I only stand 160cm off of the ground, and this thing is more than half the size of me, and I'm trying so hard to walk in a straight line, but alas, the friggin' wind!

But by some miracle, I manage to keep my cool and walk, slightly wobbling, down to the train station where I get the weirdest stares. I might as well have been carrying a dead body with three penises hanging off it's left arm. Seriously......people *shakes head*

Anyway, I'm then on the train, happily listening to some Mars Volta, got my headphones in, turned it up SUPER loud so I specifically can't hear anybody else on the train (God, I hate when some one has a wheezy nose and every single fucking breath they take makes a WHEEZE. Go to hell, wheezy noses) and then, God sends the fickle fat finger of fate right down on my shoulder. At first I was confused by the rap-a-tap-tap on my comfortably untouched shoulder, and then realised that a small woman of about 50 was touching me. ARH! So I unplug my ears and ask "Mmmmyess?" And she says "Is this a canvas?" and I am so so so so tempted to say "No, it's actually my boyfriend" and then to follow it up with a dirty stare, but I'm not THAT mean. So I explain to her "yes, yes it is a canvas, I'm planning on painting on it." She says "ooooOOOohoohoOOOOh" and nods thoughtfully and opens her mouth to say something else but OH, NO, I turn around and plug my ear right back up.

Ha, beat that God.

Life on the Interweb

I just had to share my absolute flabbergast at my Welsh husband's intelligence.

Ryan. says:
hahaha
I just figured out that if I only want the clock to tick on every 3rd beat of every bar (so only one tick for each bar) the tempo needs to be 240 BPM correct?
(it's in 4/4)
mika; says:
6x4=24
you is correct
Ryan. says:
woohoo!
(: thank you
mika; says:
LULZ
Ryan. says:
hahaha
mika; says:
you needed me
to help you
with that simple math?
Ryan. says:
no, I was just making sure before I lug all my gear outside to just record a clock ticking
mika; says:
HAHAHAHA
why don't you
Ryan. says:
because I would've been pissed if I got it wrong
hahahaha
mika; says:
bring
the clock
to you?
Ryan. says:
....
jesus christ
mika; says:
OH MY FUCKING LORD
Ryan. says:
you're a genius!
mika; says:
permision to laugh?
Ryan. says:
hahahaha
mika; says:
permission*
Ryan. says:
permission granted
mika; says:
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
*rolls on the floor picking up balls of carpet*
FOOL!
Ryan. says:
hahahhaa
):
meanie!
hahaha
mika; says:
HAHAHAH SORRY
THAT'S JUST AS FUNNY
AS WHEN YOU PRONOUNCED "LEOPARD" AS "LEO-PARD"
Ryan. says:
):

Oh my. I love this boy. It would have been even funnier, if I'd suggested to bring the clock to his gear instead of the other way around AFTER he'd lugged all the gear out. *chuckles*
Awwwwwww :I

Stop discrimination against men

Oh, what an adventurous day today was. My fag really knows how to cheer me up when I'm down in the heterosexual dumps. We went all over town today, and started it with a nice visit to a square bush in the middle of Forest Chase. Sounds odd. And then we proceeded by making "unused condoms" with the smoke machine in the Awesome Arts exhibit/spectacle/attention-seeker which was casually followed up by me interrogating the old man who stands in the city holding up a sign that says "Stop Discrimination Against Men". THAT, was weird. He just kept going on and on about how feminist ideologies have been brainwashed into our society. I agreed to some points, but he was being a little over dramatic, but hey! If you have something to say, then you say it loud and proud. Good on you old man. Kudos, kudos.

And to stick to my Asian roots, we went to get Bubble Tea and got stared at by this Asian woman in the most hilarious way. She hid behind the tea-shaker doll and was creepily smiling for about ten minutes non-stop. My tummy still hurts (:. We then wandered down to Timezone and did the whole photobooth thingy;



Yeah, that's us, inside the photobooth, with my camera, taking pictures of ourselves...instead of using the assigned camera...awesome.
AND THEEEEEEEEN
We played DDR, and failed on the second level. I died a little on the inside but that's okay, we all have to fail to get somewhere in life, AMIRIGHT?!
Although some things fail from the beginning and should stay that way forever. Example; epicFAIL. What a stupid fucking band. Imagine their twenty year reunion...*shudder*

Back to the story;
So then we went waddling down to the Museum, Art Gallery and the Pica. Nostalgic to the max. T'was awesome. Couldn't stop myself from squealing when I got to the dinosaur part of the museum. VELOCIRAPTOR ANYONE? So great.
Decided to chow down on some Subbers after that, went wandering around town again. Fag winked at another fag in Esprit and caused a stir.
"OMG MIKA, DID YOU SEE THAT? I WINKED AT HIM, I WINKED AT HIM!"
"I know, I was there, remember? It only happened....*checks clock* a mere five minutes ago."
*MEGA SIGH*, seriously...

Bumped into some old friends from school, followed them on their quest to stalk some random businessman, then went back to Subbers, taped up my mangled foot, and got down to work!
Awesome day. Sucks that I am now extremely fatigued, in pain and dying of hunger, but, t'was worth the good times.



Totes going to go rummage through the fridge now.

Forget me not

My Granddad is one of the few great men I've know in the entirety of my life. He eats his desert before his dinner, he has his own personal speaker from the TV to his "throne". He is the man of the house and I love him dearly.

Last year he was diagnosed with Alzheimers.
I don't think we all understand how much of a terrifying disease it is. Tonight at dinner, my mother's Japanese friend told us about his mother's struggle with it. It was horrible listening to how at his fathers funeral, he was comforting his mother who in turn looked up at him and asked where her son was. Or how he talks with her only to have her whisper to her sister "Who's this strange man, talking to a Grandma like me?"
He told us about how she would eat dinner, then when she forgot she'd eaten, ask for more. They'd leave her and come back and the bowls would all be empty. What she'd really been doing with that second serving was throwing it into her cupboard, which became rotten and smelt horrid. They even forget basic manners and etiquette. They forget how to get from A to B even though it's the most familiar street in town. They forget everything.

It breaks my heart to think of the day, when I approach my Granddad and he asks who I am or doesn't remember my face. To have some one who means so much to me not know who I am is excruciating. He's looked at this face over a million times, we've shared over a million conversations and he'll remember not a single one.
And the scariest part is that he himself won't know what's going on. His brain slowly destroying itself, blissfully unaware of the damage it is causing.
Eating dinner and then ten minutes later asking for dinner. Conversations that sound like broken records. And there's nothing good waiting at the end; it's just a slow, painful descent into death. And we have to sit around and watch him deteriorate. Just watch and be patient and understanding as he forgets us all and passes away.

Part of me doesn't even want to go back to Japan, so I won't have to live through this hurt. But I know that more than anything I'll regret not saying goodbye. To cherish what memory he does have left and make the best of it. And even now, I'm sitting here, holding back the tears, and I'm thousands of miles away from him. We all die, but it's hard to accept it. Really hard.

Baaaa da da da

ABC Jazz, you win.
I will forever be enslaved to your magical, magical tunes. Only if you will accept me as I am, I know I'm not much, but I do love thee (:

I cleaned my room.
I can't get over it.
It's sparkling like broken glass on the pavement. (I see that often, living in Maylands and all)
I cleaned my sheets and I vacuumed and I even tidied my wardrobe. Okay, that last one was a lie because there is too much stuff in there to sort out, but I gave it a go; A for effort?

I finished my exams and there is no facial expression that can be composed with letters that can clearly portray the amount of happiness that is drawn onto my face right.
Like this; :D isn't even adequate.
Not even XD that, or XDDDDD))))) that.
Do you understand me, people, not even that! *points*

Ehhh, kind of over it now to be honest. Just kind of like "well...it's over", you know, just over it, like nah, over it, yeah, hey. :|

And now, work has rostered me on for quite a few shifts in December...as in, I work more days in December than I have free days....that means I'm working Christmas Eve and Boxing Day....and the day after Boxing Day.
Because there are so many people wanting Subway on Christmas Eve and Boxing Day....pshhht.
But I get money $________________$
Yus, I'll be rich and then my birthday comes up after Christmas so I'll be even richer!
MWAHAHAHAHA! VICTORY IS MINE!
And I will finally be able to afford that beautiful bicycle I've been dreaming of. *looks off into the distance in a dreamy stare*
Oh, once I saddle up that beast, there's no stopping me. I'll be zooming around like a fly around a pile of shit.
Fear me.

Welshman

My husband pulls the best faces in the world, and I would like to share them with you lovely, lovely people.



Just reminding you that I kiss that face...
*chuckles* don't worry, he looks a lot more handsome in person.

You're my sex bomb.

I just had to ask Canada if sex bomb is two words or one. Shame.
Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex.
I bet you all have boners now, you filthy teenagers.
All I ever talk, link or elude to is sex.
"He had such a big...."
"PENIS?!"
"No, I was going to say ego."
"Oh....penis works too, right?"
"No..."
I blame our hormones. We all have them surging through our veins like sperm through a penis. And I can honestly say, it's okay now, when we're all 15, 16, 17....27 is borderline immature, but when we get old and shitty, we're all going to be sitting around saying words like "buns" and "vagina" without laughing or cracking jokes. It will be an awful, awful time to be alive.
I honestly cannot remember a day when I haven't had my mind in the gutter or made a gross joke or taken things too far.
But in the words of a wise, wise lady; "that's just how you are though"
Dirty filthy little me, this is how I am.
I'm sure most people are not as dirty minded as me and don't know what the "Crazy Chicken" is or have watched videos titled "Sucking and Fucking in Good Weather", but I know, being a psychic and all, that your minds venture there, right in the crevice of dirtydom, and have a good feel around and then realise what you've done and come back to reality.
We've gone from the thought that masturbation makes you go blind being inforced into us to masturbation being a big joke that we all share and do on a 2-3 day basis.
"I'll phap to that!"

Oh God, who am I kidding, I'm trying to pan off this gross sexual obsession as normal when really, it is not.
Don't listen to me kids, continue your normal, unadultered lives.

Nup, changed my mind, you're all filthy.
If I say "ass" you don't think of a male donkey.
If I say "penetrate" you don't think of the verb.
If I say "XXX" you don't think of the mint brand.

We are truly sexually fueled. If you're a virgin, it's embarrassing. If you're not a virgin then okay, you can join my club. If you're gay you live a completely different lifestyle to me and the word "plug" doesn't associate with anything in your bath.

But funnily enough, if I say "cunt" you don't think of a vagina, you think of the nastiest person you know. If I say "asshole" you think of that guy who didn't give you the right change, not the brown ring in your pants. If I say "wanker" you think of that idiot who took your parking spot, not about a person who constantly jacks off.
What the devil happened between when our parents were our age, to here and now where we say these things normally, daily, and find it completely okay?

"I used to draw...pictures of dicks."
"What, like, a man dick?"
"Like a man dick."
"Supergay."
If you don't know the quote, you are either a well mannered girl, christian, a foreigner or boring.
Thus concludes my big sex rant, now go back to your pornos and Edward Cullen posters.

"Merrrrr"

Today, my gang and I wagged school to go to the library.
Hold back your expressions of utter pitty and disgust, because we know what we were doing and there is no way to justify our actions but to say that we needed to take care of some "special business".
So we were walking to the State Library to take care of "special gang business", when apparently, a really ugly baby strolled past in it's stroller. Now, I didn't see the baby, so while my partners in crime are having a big hoo-ha about the ugliness of this baby, I am left pondering what all the fuss is about.
So Canada decides to describe it to me by saying;
"Asia, did you see it's face?! It was like 'merrrr haghahgiauho'".
And I got a little bit confused, because this baby was, at the time, not making a sound. Just silently being pushed by it's mother.
SO WHY THE HELL, DID SHE FEEL THE NEED TO DESCRIBE IT WITH SOUNDS NORMALLY ASSOCIATED WITH RETARDATION?!
We all do it, admit it. You know you do.
"He was so blahhh about everything. Sitting there all merr merr merr about it all."
WUT?!
Our generation is so....so.....abahhhhhh.
And by that, I mean "brain dead". We can't even use adjectives to describe things anymore, so now we've got down to the nitty gritty and started using neanderthal animal calls to communicate to each other. Don't you feel a little ashamed? I almost wanted to run to the library so I could emmurse myself in words that were politically correct.
But I didn't have the energy or the fitness to run...
And I have to sadly admit, that I have started 'msn speaking' in my verbal life.
"Nah, I cbf doing that"
As soon as I said it, I died a little on the inside. I'm sure it's not a big deal to most, but I pride myself on my English skills, because ironically, I find that I'm sometimes better than my Aussie buddies when it comes to English. Not mentioning any names, but there are a few kids out there that really surprised me.

Oh, and Little Tittle's remark scared me too;
"jay kay ess, Ranga, don't have a cry"
jay kay ess...Tittle, I thought you had more sense then that *shakes head in shame*

"Fruitloop"

So, one of my dear friends tells me that she is such a fan of my pointless jabber that she was willing to sacrifice a little of her morning today, just so she could read all of my blogs.
To you, my friend, I thank thee. You truly are, and I say this with the utmost love and compassion, extremely bored and without a life. I commend you ( :
She says if I use copious amounts of intellectual vocabulary, that she will get lost somewhere in the abyss of words and hence stop reading.
Have I achieved my goal, my sweet sugar?

From tomorrow onwards, I will be cutting all forms of communication outside of school. No mobile, no msn, facebook, myspace....everything. Completely off for the next two weeks in preparation for exams and to study. In true Asian style, I will be working my ass off 'till the wee hours of the morn, sweating over sheets and sheets of information, cramming them into my soft, squishy center called "brain"....either that or succumb to my westernised lifestyle and procastinate all day.
I can't really describe much of this without feeling squeamish because I've just returned from watching Saw VI, so words like "squishy center" and "brain" don't go down the gullet too well. Slightly disappointing as my better half and I predicted all the endings and only squirmed in our seats twice. Once you get over the first scene, that movie loses it's touch, don't you think?
It's like;
"Oh, there goes that black girl, cutting off her arm again. Uh, yep, the guy's getting shot, yep, ahuh....ohhh she got burnt." etc.
Such a shame.

Ummm, and I don't mean to sound like an old Gran-gran who's had too many prunes, but wtf is with the prices of movie tickets these days?
Under concession, I payed $14 for one movie. No popcorn, no drink, just me and my ticket. The hell...? Remember the days when Tuesdays were half price or something and we could go get a ticket and drink and popcorn for $14?? In fact, I think we got change 0________0
Damn, I miss the 90's and the whole Pokemon vs. Digimon thing. (Clearly Pokemon is the winner here because it's not coming up as a mispelt word whereas Digimon is getting the curse of the dotted red line under it's ass.)

And I apologise to anyone who got hurt due to the slam dancing that occured on Saturday night. I will learn to tame the beast of a husband I have, both in and outside of the home ( :

Misery loves company

I hate the feeling of disappointment. It sucks like a gay man; well and hard. I truly, truly detest the whole notion of expectations. You expect something, even though you tell yourself over a million times that it isn't happening, and yet somewhere in your tiny, tiny brain, something called "hope", I believe, makes you still think that your expectations will be met. You could say that I hate hoping, but yes, yes I do.
I forgot what book it was, but I was reading one and in it's pages was an "Equation to Happiness", and it went something like;
less expectations=more happiness
The whole idea about it was that the less you expected the more happiness you would get because you'd be surprised every time something good happened to you, because you weren't expecting it.
If, in theory, this is correct, then what about the bad things? The bad things that you don't expect seem so much more worse than the ones you're prepared for.

Eg. A friend went to a funeral and was talking as if she had gone to get a haircut.
"Who's funeral was it, if you don't mind?"
"My Granddad's."
"Oh.......I'm sorry."
"Oh, no, it's okay. He's been sick for ages so we were all expecting it."

SO NOW, the true equation to happiness is;
expect the bad shit, don't expect anything good to happen to you and you will be happy, i.e. become a pessimist.
I don't really understand this, because I am a very, very pessimistic kind of human, so in theory I should be the happiest thing since a powerball winner. But I'm not.
In theory, but not in practice, aye?

And here I am, still feeling disappointed and wanting to hurt something D:

Just for you, weiner muncher <3

Irrelevance just got hairy;

Today, I accidentally cut myself with a razor blade on my toe. Not only does it sting really badly, but it reinforces the fact that I have abnormally hairy toes that need to be shaved. FML

*chuckles*

I love reading about other people's unbelievably shit lives.

*Types "Irrelevant Pictures" into Google images*

This was the first picture that appeared...

WUT?!

And I just found this beauty of a photograph;

Dear God, this woman's nostrils ALONE could save Africa and China from starvation.

Ever wanted to dress as a Sugar Glider?

This guy certainly did.

And I bet you're all thinking;

me too, Trashcat, me too...

Feeling Proud

Went to Pride Parade last night. It was very enjoyable. Finally got to meet my fag's crush <3 and I have to say, he is indeed crush-worthy. Om nom nom ; )
I dressed in drag and it was possibly one of the worst ideas of my life. I just looked like a hooker in a wig. But, considering the Dikes on Bikes and the Go-go dancers, I felt pretty comfortable in my lycra dress, purple fishnets, wig and 90's platforms. According to my fag, it all fell down to whether I looked like a whore or not because of my eyebrows....if I had drawn them 10 cm above my normal brow line and covered my real eyebrows in zinc, then I would have looked like a Drag Queen, apparently.
According to other sources, my real boobs, real vagina, and real bum ruined the look for me too.
I dunno, I can't argue with either, because both statements are true.

I completely detest the idea of my heart right about now. I hate it. It continuously bugs me with these fucking palpitations and murmurs and such. Just go away.
I want a normal, functioning, happy heart. Instead I get this jitter-bug of a muscle, pumping away to it's own beat. What about what I want? Apparently, my heart does not know what I want; how ever so ironic.

Ummm speaking of detesting things; school. Die.
I really don't want to read Frankenstein, so I can write an essay on it's writing techniques and structure. What a great incentive; here's some motivation, if you finish reading Frankenstein, I might just let you write a three page analysis on it's descriptive language!
Woooooh.
Some one actually offered me money to write their essay, I forgot who it was, but I considered it for a split second. That is what I call incentive. $10 a paragraph, people.
I sound so conceited right now; I'm not good at writing essays lads and ladettes, I'm just good at bullshitting. But I might start a business; Essays-R-Us (yeah, real original). Requesting support from y'all; times are hard in this financial crisis, and Barack O-blackman is doing nothing to help us so, I suppose it's left up to us commoners to solve this pickle.

Speaking of pickle, I had the best sub today. It was full to the brim with pickles and oh, so, scrummy. Totes going to buy a bucket of pickles and a tub of Southwest sauce and have myself a partay.

"Ahh"

I've been sitting on this chair long enough that my bum has started to hurt (slightly more on the left than the right). And I just noticed my toenails are way over due for a trimming, and so is my hair, and my fingernails look like they get cut with a meat cleaver, and my legs are hairy, my make up is smudged and my feet are dirty from walking out on the balcony.
I.am.so.comfortable.right.now.
And now, Ryan has told me we're going for dinner. I have to leave this chair? Good God.

Oh wow, I really dislike the amount of flies this summer has produced. It's really disgusting to be halfway through a sentence and a fly lands in the corner of your mouth, or eye, or any other sensitive moist place on your body; God, scabs are the worst. And you feel dirty, like the reason you attract these flies is because you have bad personal hygiene, but then you feel better when you look around and notice the trillion flies attacking your friend. Yeah....Summer is fun.

Oh, and what's with all the hoo-ha about Halloween? Did we know that Halloween is an American holiday, and that here in Australia, if you knock on some one's door and ask for candy, you get raped?
That may have been a slight over exaggeration, but you catch my drift. (I suppose it's just an excuse for some one to have a party, and for people to go to that party and get drunk and have sex etc. etc.) But even in America, little kids get drugged and raped and kidnapped and murdered because they knock on the rapist/kidnapper/murderers door in their cute pumpkin outfit with slightly revealing sleaves and say "TRICK OR TREAT!". It's a paedophiles dream; instead of inticing kids into his van with candy, the kids come and ask the paedo for candy at their front door.....in a costume.
Oh, now that would be the true horror of Halloween; your child getting taken by some creep.
But I suppose if your child is 16 and in a slutty nurses outfit, there are some factors to be questioned in this equation...

V-Plates

Blog virginity has officially been taken by this lovely Tuesday afternoon.
I have no fucking idea why I am writing a blog considering my life is already boring enough for myself, and I don't really understand why I want to share it with the rest of you poor souls. But I suppose you must be bored enough to even be venturing over to this side of the web so it must mean I'm not the only one who has no life what-so-evar.

I started working at Subway in the city again, what a laugh and a half. Come visit me and I'll reward you with a cookie; "good doggy".

Um, so I moved to Maylands, if you haven't heard, considering it is such interesting news and everything....and for some stupid reason, I attract aboriginals like dog poo to lawn. It's incredible. I can't walk ten meters out of my front door without one asking me for $2 for the bus.
I mean, I usually come up with a decent excuse, but how is it that I end up in a situation where we're sharing headphones listening to the Grates?? I know I'm being incredibly racist, but what the hell, they're scary, okay?
You can't honestly say that if you were in some kind of trouble, and there was an aboriginal driving their lovely Commodore down the road, that you would stop them and ask for help?
They've built up such a bad reputation for themselves, tut tut.

....and this whole time, I've been sitting here writing furiously about aboriginals...with my 3D glasses on. (I got them when I watched UP; cutest movie evar. I suggest you see it if you're feeling emotionally retarded.)

And also I think some people should stop being scared of me. Right now. Or I'll bash them. Kthnx.